I’m tired of being happy for other people
I know that makes me selfish
Or maybe human
It’s not that I don’t want other folks to thrive / I do
I love seeing the joy in your faces
& celebrating your wins
& I want us all to get ours
Get what we have worked for so hard
Get free
But I want to be happy
I want to be seen
Recognized
Someone say I know how hard it is for you
Someone say What you are doing matters
And maybe that makes me selfish
Or human
To want this
To want more for myself
To want space to breathe & expand
The voice in my head say
You can’t want that because someone else don’t have it
When I wish for a shower with a soaking tub
Big enough to hold my chair
When I wish for a house with some land
Big enough that I can walk without bruising
For a bed that doesn’t fuck my back up
A chair I can sit in & write for hours
For friends big enough to hold me
& alla my contradictions
When I don’t want to be seen
But I want to be
Big enough to be witnessed
& maybe all that makes me selfish
& so I am
But I’m tired of being happy for other people
I wanna be happy for myself